Campus food delivery terminated

Beginning next week, favorite eating establishments will no longer deliver to students on Olivet’s campus.  Although it is natural to believe that these restaurants will not deliver because of Olivet’s religious affiliation, local favorite Jimmy Johns has other reasons for not delivering.

“We will no longer be delivering to students because of complaints we have heard.  Not about our food, but about how freshmen are gaining weight.  We love our Olivet students, and in order to help them, we have decided that the best way to do so is to make them walk across the street to pick up their food,” Jerry Johns, Jimmy Johns manager and brother, said.

While some students see this as an opportunity to get some exercise, other students are not as pleased.

“This sucks,” sophomore Donna Tyler said.

In addition to helping students with the “Freshman 15,” Jimmy Johns has also had complaints from Olivet’s food service, Sodexo, about how students are spending less time in the dining room and more time in their own rooms with food they have ordered from the off-campus restaurant.

“We do not want to compete with Sodexo, especially because their food is much healthier than ours,” Johns said.

Another favorite establishment, Papa Johns, will follow in his son Jimmy’s footsteps, also choosing not deliver to Olivet students. However, he has entirely different motives.

“Olivet has proven to be a very dangerous campus.  We have lost quite a few staff members on the campus because it is so large.  Our drivers will leave with one pizza, and it can be hours, even days before they return.  And they return with such horror stories,” manager Donna Johns says.

Larry Johns, is a driver who has encountered multiple dangers while delivering to students.

“Olivet’s campus is way too big. I got lost multiple times trying to find Wisner to deliver to a nursing student.  And don’t even get me started on the squirrel attacks.  I was walking past a trashcan one day, and a squirrel just jumps out of it.  I could have died,” he said.

However, Olivet students should not give up hope of campus food deliver. Long John’s Silver has announced that it will be opening a location on Main Street in Bourbonnais.  This restaurant is not to be confused with Long John Silvers, as this new restaurant is said to be better than both “Johns” restaurants and will continue to deliver to students.

 

— Abriella Caravette, the hipster writer

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